Proof of Dependence

In over 33 yrs of marriage and being employed by various companies, not once was I asked to show proof that I was married, for any reason. But, now, with my new job – they are asking for my marriage certificate, in order to cover my wife as a dependent for health and other benefits.

Holy Matrimony it is!

We had not seen this certificate nor needed it in 33 years! I certainly could not have found it! The fact that Uma could locate it fairly quickly and handle it with the care that such a crumbling document needed is proof enough that we are married! What more proof do you need to realize that I am the true dependent, here! 
I am not sure if this document will satisfy the requirements of the company, because it does not have our social security numbers, signatures or anything relevant or meaningful! Everything on this certificate is barely legible. It looks ancient and feels like it belongs in a museum – along with the manuscripts of the Magna Carta and the Dead Sea Scrolls!

One of us is still fresh after 6 hours of marathon ceremonies!

I wonder if, instead of the marriage certificate, I should just send out a couple of our wedding photos and a video clip of me trying to fix the toilet and her repeatedly asking me to “call someone who knows what they are doing”, or maybe show them the idiot-proof grocery lists that she gives me every week and how I, even after such detailed lists, come back missing a couple of items or bringing the wrong items. This will of course be followed by an amusing session (for one of us) of “How may times I have to tell you..”, “You always do this..”, “I knew it..” , “I told you so..” etc. Any of these, individually or collectively should definitely prove that we are seasoned veterans of holy matrimony!

“Are you sure you know what you are doing?”

If you think these instructions are idiot-proof, you are underestimating idiots in general and this one in particular!? (-:

Author: Yash

I immigrated to the US in 1983 from India. I feel that I have been here long enough to not be called FOB (Fresh-off-the-Boat) by my kids. But I guess they seem to have some other standards which involve pronouncing words like "Vote" ,"Vending" and "Video" properly - which I guess I will never achieve (because of my 21 years in India) - so, I am going to pass myself as that Indian with an "exotic" accent!! My interests : WRITING - Just realized that most of my work so far has been Nostalgia-centric. I enjoy this genre and feel it's an un-ending well that I can draw from. As a matter of fact, this right here is fresh nostalgia for 10 years down the road!! (-: GOLF - I am terrible at it and it's a damn frustrating game, but I still love it ("painful pleasure"). One of these days I will actually take lessons so that I won't embarrass myself too much on the golf course. As long as there are golf courses around here (with low standards) that would allow me to play - I will play and enjoy golf!! STAND-UP - I have started dabbling (performing) in stand-up comedy recently and am loving the feedback I have been getting! I am going to attribute this newfound hobby to mid-life crisis! :-) (as an alternative to a toupee or a red sports car or a girlfriend-on-the-side!!). Here's clip of my very first performance on April 14th 2019: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ScMLgRAGyNs&feature=youtu.be MUSIC - I am a huge fan of Shakti (John McLaughlin, Zakir Hussain, Vinayakram, L.Shankar) as well as their later avatar - "Remember Shakti" (John McLaughlin, Zakir Hussain, Selva Ganesh, Mandolin Sreenivas, Shankar Mahadevan). Thoroughly enjoyed the two live concerts that I attended of this fusion group. I enjoy Hindustani and Carnatic classical instrumental music. YOUTUBE - YouTube has an unbelievable amount of entertainment from which you can draw your specific narrow niche!! In my case - these areas happen to be - street foods from various parts of the world, Indian classical music, debates about religion & belief, Indian Classical Music played by non Indian (e.g. Ukrainians doing wonderful Bharatanatyam, a French lady performing amazingly in a Carnatic Concert, a Chinese lady teaching Bharatanatyam in China etc.)

8 thoughts on “Proof of Dependence”

  1. Ha ha! I am so glad you married Uma so you could narrate these hilarious episodes (with the masala added) while Uma is just shaking her head saying, ‘there he goes again, making up something but surely not the marriage!!” 🙂

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  2. Wow!!! You seem quite the handyman judging from the picture of the toilet cistern. Curious – were you able to put it back yourself or did the crack team have to come in to save the day?

    Enjoy the post and relate to all that you wrote. Keep writing!!!

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    1. Thanks Ashok for your encouragement and feedback! I have done some easy ones like this, with a lot of help from Youtube videos and Uma (she is very good – more methodical than me and has a keen eye for detail). I have replaced Toilet tank gaskets a few times. I will brag about my prowess here.. without going into all the disasters that I had! I will save those for another blog! 🙂

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  4. Succinct and very apt, relatable to most of the guys( despite several intellectual accomplishments!) the enormous difficulty in finding important documents in a timely manner or finding a “ specific” grocery item in the “baking section isle”!
    I don’t know if you called the plumber eventually..but that’s a nice DIY picture as a keepsake. Congratulations!😅👏🏽

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    1. Thanks Madhukar! I always appreciate your feedback. I actually fixed that toilet .. (replacing the rubber gasket between the tank and the bowl). I have now done that 3 times.. So I am somewhat of a semi-pro at this 😊.

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